2024 is a super busy year, late update

 Yes, just beginning of 2024, I keep work overtime many weeks until May.

This make me feel that 2024 just speed up time flow.

Just in a blink of an eye, almost half year pass.

I think, as elder as my ages, this much obvious feel.

Just Chinese New Year,  my old high school classmate had pass away, Rest in peace lady .

I started think about my life, how much time I left.

But after this I keep busy with a bunch of work task and didn't think about that negative thought.

Sometime, keep busy is just a kind of pull everything back to my normal path.

Also, because I keep busy, I still unable to move in my new house.

Didn't have much time to tidy up and arrange everything of my new house.

Oh ya, just beginning of May, one of my colleague resign, she had been work in this company for 10 years, this is just surprising and some sort of sad for us, after this our work will much more busier.

I really hope to have a holiday, but I can't run away from my responsibility think.

That's bad.

Today I hurt my knee while repairing my leaking roof.

Also I just build up my solid wood bed rack, that is nice, I love solid wood furniture.

Hope I can move in this year, hope......

I hope I still able to write anything after this ......

That's all

Left a note in last day of 2023

 Finally, the last day of 2023.

Conclusion of this year: I m lazy, my body get worst, lack of exercise , didn't get more income this year.

And again, I got 2nd time covid19 this year, feel worst that week.

My new  house still not move in yet.

My new house kitchen still raw yet.

Everything is getting expensive.

But income didn't increase much.

I drink a lot tea this year than coffee, I think this is good.

I buy a lot of cups and mugs this year, feel like I got new hobby that collect cups.

I more enjoy every entertainment this year than working freelance.

That's mean I spend more than earn.

May be I feel too stress.

Some sort of stress that almost getting 40 ?

I don't know, but I try to do better everything, include my life.

But this world is not that simple.

Hope everything get well in 2024.

That's all. 😁

After left this note, just realize the sky is gotta rain I should go get my bed sheet inside.

Death topic keep show up to me this few years

 I keep facing the death, relative elder death, old friends death, same age celebrity's death ...

I keep thinking about what happen after the end of me.

I keep thinking, nothing left after I gone.

No any prove that I existed.

When I gone, how about my collection stuff ?

When I gone, my precious memories all gone ?

When I gone, any relative will miss me ?

I started think I might left something, perhaps like some life photo, some notes, some memories notes.

I know as a human being, getting old will make u forget everything.

So I started to plan, I will write down my whole life memories as much as possible, at here, this platform.

Even there is no any visitor here.

But at least I left something on internet database.

I think I might write from my earliest memory as I can remember.

I have lot of awkward childhood memories, this might became my book title if I wish.

Some share memories with sibling, sister, brothers, they might already forgot but I still remember some details while play with them in childhood times.

What a good memories even there is some bad thing happen sometimes.

At the end, I will say I might became lazy again about this plan.

But I try to write it down as much as I can, for real.

Good luck for everyone who work hard for better life.

Oh ya, my English actually no that good for describe some details, so I will write in Chinese.

Probably next month will done chapter 1, or may be prologue ...

See ya.

Grandma & me at Kampung Baru, town of Lunas, Kedah state, Malaysia

(Photo taken in 1987)

Stress, on everything, real bad time

I m currently drop into a trap that trying to get out from this mess.

I m fear about marriage, I m confuse that did I really want to marry her ?

I m fear that if I marry her will cause a lot of problem with my family ? Especially my mom ?

She didn't care a lot my family connection.

I m confuse when my mom force me to marry her ASAP and this really make me gloomy.

I started to doubt myself if this was what I wanted.

I don’t even know why I have self-doubt like this situation.

I started worry everything.

I got little health problem right now.

My heart keep feels uncomfortable sometimes.

I afraid of noisy human sound.

I wish to have a completely silent place to stay.

I started fear if I really have capability to done my house loan.

She didn't make any help on my house loan.

I keep thinking of death topic every morning when I wake up.

What will happen if I suddenly disappear from this world ?
I think might no body care, I m nobody.

I sad, I have no best friends to talk to.

I have some friends, but I fear to show naked of my heart to them.

When I realize, there is already build up huge wall stuck myself inside.

I don't know how to break that wall.

I m hard to believe in human.

I m so hard to say I m sick inside.

What can I do is just empty my brain every morning.

I don't want listen any content when I drive to work.

I look up the clear sky, I free up my mind.

I need some real rest, without any disturb.

I hope I would free my mind in future.

 I love look up the clear sky every morning when I walk to my car that ready drive to office

After release from lockdown covid19, first little trip

On September I went to a town in middle of the west Malaysia called Taiping.

As I know this is a city named under Chinese word, it means "peaceful".

Taiping is a place that we call "Rain city", because this is the place that keep raining and make it most rain fall city in Malaysia.

As you can see the first photo, since I reach hotel, the sky looks ready to rain after this.

Quick snap from hotel room balcony.

I went Taiping together with my dad and mom, with my brother.

We went to the famous spot of Taiping called Taiping Lake Garden.

Even I visited this place when I was kid several times, now days pay a visit as a 30+ mature man, that really different feeling.

Those rain trees getting bigger so much and became nature art branch.

The temperature is comfort, around 24 degree celsius.

I walk around and getting little rain when I snap some photo.

Big rain trees beside Taiping Lake walkpath

Taiping Lake, a bridge across it.

Some how those rain trees look thirsty

We came here also for a wedding dinner somewhere near the lake.

Just a little short trip on weekend, I didn't take extra leave on work.

Head home on next day morning after breakfast.

Actually is just 1 hour 30 minutes drive time from my house.

Is good to have a weekend relax far from where we live.

Hope for next time.

Since 2023, I keep speed up

Walk from my new house to old house by the sunset 

Since last post, I say might diary myself through youtube, but I really don't have lot of time.

After chinese new year I rush on every work task.

Also keep continue my new house renovation.

In now days, renovate a house cost a lot, every costing out of my plan.

So just keep pushing myself to earn more.

She didn't get fair salary on new job, so I didn't ask her to support on this part.

I m getting lot of weight this few month.

Lack of exercise. 

Since after release from pandemic that available  go oversea, I still didn't take any action for my vacation.

I feel stressed. 

Hope can have some vacation end of this year.

Ya ...... that's all

Life is hard // Should I diary myself on youtube ?

A small flower grow out from crack beside my new purchase house car porch

Sometimes I feel uncomplete for just write something on this platform.

My literature skill and grammar are worse as u can see on this post or previous.

So I plan to record speaking video on myself to record everything I feel on that moment, to check whether is it I need some psychology therapy and get back my easy lost past memories.

What language should I speak is the main problem.

Or just mix them together I think.

Cause I didn't do this for audience just for myself.

And try to avoid to see my face.

Ya, I m no that good looking just and an ordinary Asian.

Once I done might make another post on here, even here totally no view at all.

"Siok sendiri"

That's all, bye, chibye