Stress, on everything, real bad time

I m currently drop into a trap that trying to get out from this mess.

I m fear about marriage, I m confuse that did I really want to marry her ?

I m fear that if I marry her will cause a lot of problem with my family ? Especially my mom ?

She didn't care a lot my family connection.

I m confuse when my mom force me to marry her ASAP and this really make me gloomy.

I started to doubt myself if this was what I wanted.

I don’t even know why I have self-doubt like this situation.

I started worry everything.

I got little health problem right now.

My heart keep feels uncomfortable sometimes.

I afraid of noisy human sound.

I wish to have a completely silent place to stay.

I started fear if I really have capability to done my house loan.

She didn't make any help on my house loan.

I keep thinking of death topic every morning when I wake up.

What will happen if I suddenly disappear from this world ?
I think might no body care, I m nobody.

I sad, I have no best friends to talk to.

I have some friends, but I fear to show naked of my heart to them.

When I realize, there is already build up huge wall stuck myself inside.

I don't know how to break that wall.

I m hard to believe in human.

I m so hard to say I m sick inside.

What can I do is just empty my brain every morning.

I don't want listen any content when I drive to work.

I look up the clear sky, I free up my mind.

I need some real rest, without any disturb.

I hope I would free my mind in future.

 I love look up the clear sky every morning when I walk to my car that ready drive to office

After release from lockdown covid19, first little trip

On September I went to a town in middle of the west Malaysia called Taiping.

As I know this is a city named under Chinese word, it means "peaceful".

Taiping is a place that we call "Rain city", because this is the place that keep raining and make it most rain fall city in Malaysia.

As you can see the first photo, since I reach hotel, the sky looks ready to rain after this.

Quick snap from hotel room balcony.

I went Taiping together with my dad and mom, with my brother.

We went to the famous spot of Taiping called Taiping Lake Garden.

Even I visited this place when I was kid several times, now days pay a visit as a 30+ mature man, that really different feeling.

Those rain trees getting bigger so much and became nature art branch.

The temperature is comfort, around 24 degree celsius.

I walk around and getting little rain when I snap some photo.

Big rain trees beside Taiping Lake walkpath

Taiping Lake, a bridge across it.

Some how those rain trees look thirsty

We came here also for a wedding dinner somewhere near the lake.

Just a little short trip on weekend, I didn't take extra leave on work.

Head home on next day morning after breakfast.

Actually is just 1 hour 30 minutes drive time from my house.

Is good to have a weekend relax far from where we live.

Hope for next time.

Since 2023, I keep speed up

Walk from my new house to old house by the sunset 

Since last post, I say might diary myself through youtube, but I really don't have lot of time.

After chinese new year I rush on every work task.

Also keep continue my new house renovation.

In now days, renovate a house cost a lot, every costing out of my plan.

So just keep pushing myself to earn more.

She didn't get fair salary on new job, so I didn't ask her to support on this part.

I m getting lot of weight this few month.

Lack of exercise. 

Since after release from pandemic that available  go oversea, I still didn't take any action for my vacation.

I feel stressed. 

Hope can have some vacation end of this year.

Ya ...... that's all

Life is hard // Should I diary myself on youtube ?

A small flower grow out from crack beside my new purchase house car porch

Sometimes I feel uncomplete for just write something on this platform.

My literature skill and grammar are worse as u can see on this post or previous.

So I plan to record speaking video on myself to record everything I feel on that moment, to check whether is it I need some psychology therapy and get back my easy lost past memories.

What language should I speak is the main problem.

Or just mix them together I think.

Cause I didn't do this for audience just for myself.

And try to avoid to see my face.

Ya, I m no that good looking just and an ordinary Asian.

Once I done might make another post on here, even here totally no view at all.

"Siok sendiri"

That's all, bye, chibye

A challenge to build my own nest from empty

 Well, I get the key to enter my new house on last week.

And first thing need to do is searching for renovation consultant.

And bad thing is, step in September, lot of construction already beginning due to done renovation before next Chinese New Year, I'll been late on this.

Luckily found a renovate consultant yesterday, he immediately came over to take some measurement and work on quotation.

Also, plan to build myself for some part as I can, cause lag of budget ...

Exciting to have new living environment on next year.

Hopefully can done move in before next Chinese New Year.

I bought a house

After few years searching finally I decided the first property choosen.

Single story landed house with small space beside.

Is a semi-detach house.

Location in a small town but near the expressway exit.

Is not a new property, this property almost 30 years but still looks good.

Now every document and payment had been done and just wait for keys from lawyer.

Finally I got my own secret base.

Yeah 

Finally my turn [I infected covid19]

A normal day that going office and home without go anywhere, I infected.

My throat feel pain and flu heavy.

This is really bad time to get infected cause my work task is just a lot and all urgently deadlines ...

Soon I get well in about 5 days.

3 days checked positive and other all negative. 

My mom and brother's wife also infected,  we don't know where we infected from.

But luckily all member didn't get worse and cure fast.

This is really bad, hopefully whole world get free from corona virus early.

I still waiting to travel again.

Peace